Crazy Easy Ketolicious: Gameday Grub!

Well, it’s here: America’s pig-outingest holiday.  And I'm a man who loves to eat.  Unfortunately, for the past nine months, I’ve been staying in dietary ketosis by following a low-carb diet called NSNG (No Sugar, No Grains).  What’s a big guy to do?  After all, what’s game day without pizza, nachos, wings and beer?  

It ain’t always easy.  Especially when you’re as lazy as I am.  But in the words of baseball great Jimmy Dugan, “the hard is what makes it good.”  So here’s the low-effort, low-carb game day grub that helped me spin-maneuver my way through a glorious undefeated season (and brutal post-season) by my alma mater.

Guacamole: Avocados are a keto dieter’s favorite fruit.  Buttery-licious, nutritious, and easy to eat.  When it comes to guac, it’s best to make your own, since packaged brands have tons of preservatives.  This recipe from goop requires only 4 ingredients and almost no prep.  But how can you have guac without chips?  Somehow, you need to transport all that avocado-ey goodness into your junk food hole.  Two words for you my friend: pork rinds. I'm not kidding. Even if you're not low-carb, try it sometime. You might never look at another corn chip again.

Buffalo Wings: I was raised in upstate New York, where it’s not a game without wings (actually, it’s not a meal without wings, for that matter).  Sadly, the wings at many restaurants are battered in flour (sacrilege!) A 10-piece at Hooters will set you back a whopping 74 g of carbs. Luckily, it’s super easy to make your own at home.  

I like to bake my wings at 425 for 45 minutes (also sacrilege, I know, but come on — cleanup a deep fryer?).  When they’re browned on both sides, I drench those bad boys in a sauce of Frank’s Red Hot (the regular, not the “wing” sauce, which is full of junky seed oils) and melted butter.  

Blue Cheese Dip: Any self-respecting wingman knows that “Ranch or blue cheese?” is a rhetorical question.  But if you’re watching carbs, you want to avoid both, since most any bottled dressing is loaded with corn syrup.  Skip the sugar and make your own:  4 oz blue cheese crumbles, 16 oz sour cream, plus dried cilantro, minced garlic, salt and pepper to taste.

And because Judy insists that we eat a vegetable (health nut!), I sautéed a head's worth of broccoli florets in a ton of butter and olive oil, spiced up with a generous dose of salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning.  For years I thought I hated broccoli.  Then I grew up and figured out how to actually cook it.  Now I weep buttery tears every time I see another floret get senselessly steamed.

I will forever mourn the loss of my game-day Guinness, but being able to drown my sorrows in a vat of gooey fatty goodness has definitely made it easier.  Game on!

Note: The ramblings published on this blog are the opinions of the author alone and shared for entertainment purposes only.  The author is an English major with no medical or scientific background; thus, his words should never be taken as medical advice.  Consult with your doctor or medical professional before undertaking any diet or exercise program.